Sunday, October 29, 2006

I'm Home !!!!!!!!!

Well actually I got home Friday after a horrendous drive home through the torrential rain and even more horrendous spray off the motorway, so I've been resting. Sort of.

One needs ones rest when you get to my 'twilight' years.

Oh, I also had a sort-of fabby birthday too. I got the most fandabeedozee pressie from Lianne and she'd made the most gorgeous tin to put all my pressies in WITH a matching card !!! It is heavenly !

I also got a pair of hip and trendy PJ's from the Heir Apparent, and off hubby I got some knickers and I will eventually (i am lead to believe) get some perfume that i've been after since ... well .... time began. Mum gave me money which is going towards the Fairy Retreat in Feb when I get to meet Sir Tim *insert swooning slobbering smiley* !! MIL & FIL bought me the most chic pair of lush green silky PJ's ... I got money and vouchers off some of my other friends - and I got millions of cards ... well ok ... trillions !!!!!!!!!! It looks like Christmas in the Hysterical household !!

I'm rabbiting again - sorry ....

Well, i've done my motherly and SIL duties during the holiday. I've driven over the Forth Bridge in Scotland four times in four days ... i've driven down more windy flipping Scottish lanes than erm erm ... whatsisname ... erm ... oh yeah .. Braveheart - and I'm now tired and knackered and wiped out .. and things. I'm also back at school tomorrow *insert sad smiley* and I haven't had a break and won't do now until Christmas *insert hysterically sobbing smiley*.

Anyway, my ickle friends and playmates, i'll leave you with a 'wee joke'

An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman were in a pub, talking about their sons. My son was born on St George's Day," commented the English man. "So we obviously decided to call him George" "That's a real coincidence," remarked the Scot. "My son was born on St Andrew's Day, so obviously we decided to call him Andrew." "That's incredible, what a coincidence, "said the Irishman. "Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake."

Heh heh ...

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

The Secret Layout ... and more .... and more ...

Ahem ... thanks Mrs Duck ... but this is my secret layout that I mentioned \/ down there .... it didn't show ... I edited it ... twice .. I swear - and it just hasn't shown up .. anyway .... i'll try again ... aaaah there it is !!! Seeeeee I did have a layout !!!!

Yes, I've been tagged again !!!!!

I have to think of another five weird things about me .... so .......

1. I love cutting my toe nails ... I just can't wait until they start annoying me and I have to chop em ... hmmmmm i love the sound of the crunch as I chop em !

2. I hate beans .. baked, boiled, runner, kidney ... and the worst offender of all .... BUTTER BEANS !!! I mean WTF are they ??? They're gross ... they don't even taste of butter, they taste of cacky cardboard ... yeuch yeuch *puke*

3. Ears. I MUST have clean ears. A nurse once complimented me (well, told me off) by saying that my ears were too clean - I mean what does she want me to have - dirty, grubby, mite infected-potatoes-growing-out-of-them-ears ??? eh ? eh ? She had the nerve to tell me that I should put nothing bigger than an elbow down my ear !!!!! Hmmmm thinking about it, maybe I should go on that long-promised diet, coz maybe then i'd get my elbow down em !!!! I didn't dare mention that my mate Little Sue (long story, but there's big sue, little sue, chinese sue, big big sue, birkenhead sue, school sue ..... dya see where i'm going with this) ... anyway, Little Sue puts knitting needles down her ears to scratch em !!!!!!!!! How gross/bad/excruciating is that ..... anyway, I never snitched on her to the nurse .... *is a good fwend*

Sorry I rabbited for a bit there .............

4. Porridge - i love it ... but ONLY WITH SALT and NO milk - how do people eat such a fine delicacy when its made with milk AND sugar AND jam - how gross is that ..... Porridge should be eaten pure ... with just a ickle bit of salt - lo fat salt of course :)

5. I will only drink out of a china cup or mug - it makes me heave drinking out of a pottery mug, but I will, at a push drink from one of them <>Cough/cold
........ 'tis still ongoing ........ *cough* *cough* *cough*

Farepak Hamper & Voucher doo-dah

Sadly, I was one of the unlucky ones who got 'stung' - but I consider myself lucky in that my gorgeous, wonderful Heir Apparent is more grown up than his young 10 years ... and says he understands. *blubs* ... what did I do to deserve this wonderful boy.

I feel so sorry for the woman with 11 kids who has lost everything .... and the single mum with 3 kids who is on the dole .... there are so many children that are going to go without this year that it breaks my heart.

I ask anyone who reads this blog - please - if you know someone - and please NOT me - who has been stung, would you please put an extra little something in your Christmas shopping basket for one of these kids.

My little un will be ok, I and my family will make sure he is ... but there are people out there who have no means to earn extra money except to go into extra debt, and no family to lend from - so please, please, please think of these children. Thank you xxxx

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Soooooooo funny !!!!

"Can I have some Irish Sausages, please?" asked the Irishman,walking up to the counter.The assistant looked at him and asked: "Are you Irish?"

"If I had asked you for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? demanded the Irishman indignantly." Or, if I asked forGerman Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?" then, warming to his theme, he went on:"Or if I asked you for a Kosher hot dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or, if I asked you for a taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican? Would ya? Would Ya?"

The assistant said: "Well no".

Suitably encouraged by the success of his logic, the Irishman stepsit up a gear. "And if I asked you for frogs legs, would you ask me if Iwas French? What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?"

"Well, I probably wouldn't," conceded the assistant.

So, now bursting with righteous indignation, the Irishman says,"Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Irish just because I asked for Irish sausages?"

The assistant replied:"Because you're in fecking Homebase."

Bathroom complete

YAY !!! Just waiting to have it photographed now, and then i'll post pics.


Ongoing - but Aaron has it now as well.


I've received one card and present ... and confess ... I opened it ... sorry but I had to - it was calling out to me !!! How it knew my name i'll never know, but I swear, it shouted to me. I linguered over opening it .... and there it was a fantastic K & CoNeopolitan Accordian Book Kit !!!! I've been looking at these for ages saying yes, no, yes, no ... anyway YES I have one !!!!

*insert a sort of guilty smiley*

Cold/cough - Part 2

I've just been reliably informed whilst typing this up that hubby now has 'the cold' ..... for gods sake he coughed once and sniffed once !!!!!!!

Layout - pictured

This is Aaron taken after a Halloween party at our local pub last year - isn't he adorable !!!

Have I mentioned Parents Evening ?? Right, if I haven't I'll mention it next time.

*is a proud mum*

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Its not funny anymore .....

Having a cold/cough/flu .......

Since having my hysterectomy, every time I cough or laugh, I 'slightly' 'pee' myself ... I mean I normally PML ... all the time .. but I do literally PM !!

Since having my latest 'cold/flu/virus/'whatever' I've been peeing myself silly - and i'm now fed up with it *insert sad sad smiley*

HOWEVER ......... this is nothing compared to the amount of tablets I am now taking ... My mother .. who does NOT believe in 'hokey pokey' (alternative) medicine has sent me Selenium tablets to take "to build up my immune system" ...... my MIL has now sent ... garlic capsules (only to be taken at night) and echinacea (sp) (three to start with and one a day when i feel better) ... and thats without my Night Nurse (at night - obviously) and all my heart tablets (of a night only - 1 with food, 2 without food ) !!

Now those who know me, know that I love rocking, rolling and rattling ... but I swear to god (yet again) .. that I am absolutely rattling ... you can hear me 100 miles away ... I am awash with tablets - i HATE HATE HATE tablets ... I feel like a hypochondriac (sp - again) ... with all this excessive tablet taking :(

I don't wanna to be ill, I don't wanna be an invalid - and I don't wanna be full of hocus pocus tablets ...... and more than anything, i don't wanna rattle !!!!!!!!

*insert woe is me smiley*

I am well and truly fed up and p'd off.

Friday, October 13, 2006

*** TGIF ***

Thank god its Friday !!

I'm full of cold and feeling sorry for myself :( I hate, hate, hate being ill :(

We had a chippy for tea, because I couldn't be bothered cooking, and I can't say I particularly liked it coz I just wasn't in the mood ... I shouldn't have had anything really ... thinking about it on reflection ... never mind :(

Design Team

Phew - I've completed all my projects for Little Silver Hat and Scrapfairies DTs. They're photographed and sent - will add them to my slide when decides that it likes me again and decides to let me add and delete my photographs :(

Birthday and Christmas :(

Aaron has just given me his Birthday and Christmas list - I think i'll run away now .......>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< Hang on .................... its my Birthday before his .... maybe I'll stay long enough to get any presents and then do a runner.

Birthday's are a funny old thing. Your nearest and dearest ask you what you want, and then they buy you something totally random !!! One of my ex's once bought me a whore (got to be said in scouse accent - who-er) red bedtime shawl - I mean wtf was all that about ?????? I asked him, and he said 'well you said you like red' .... erm ... hellloooooooo .... I mean sexy red underwear, or a nice red dress/blouse/pj's ... NOT an old ladies bedtime sodding shawl !!!

My mother once bought me a Kenwood Chef mixer - helllooooooo I don't bake !

And my hubby always buys me CD's .... helloooooooo I have limewire, why would I actually want someone to PAY for CD's for me ???

I must have "Buy her crap presents" stamped all over my head !!!!!

Please understand that I'm not ungrateful ... far from it ... I'd be quite happy with £2 worth of beautiful patterned papers .... or even a sheet of alpha's ... or £2 worth of lush ribbons .... ...... see, i'm not that hard to please.

Anyway, as ones Birthday is looming ... I will keep all you millions of Hysteri-cal blog readers posted !!!!

Dont you ever wish that you were a famous crafter/scrapper/whatever ... and millions of people read your Blog ?? Aaaah well ... i'm grateful, well more than grateful ... in fact, I am ETERNALLY GRATEFUL ... to those who read, but more importantly post here - thank you xxxxxxxxxxxx

Monday, October 09, 2006

Monday Blog ......

If you could change places with someone (be they dead or alive, famous or not) for one day, who would it be and why?

Marilyn Monroe - I was born to be Marilyn Monroe ... in fact, there's a little Marilyn Monroe bursting to get out of me ... its just such a shame that she's hidden behind all this flab .... but she'll emerge one day .... honest !!!

Bathroom - yes, the ongoing saga

The glass we ordered for the shelves was too blurdy big - because its reinforced/strengthened/whatever-you-call-it ... the glazier reckons you can't trim it down, so we've had to re-order it *boo hoo damn and blast* ... It means that my THREE glass shelves have now cost in the region of £130 (including the brackets) .... but my beautiful new towels and matching shower curtains match fabulously well ... and no-one but no-one is allowed to touch the white and cornflower blue ones .... its death if they do - and i'm serious !!!


I taught one of the best ever Geography classes today - it went brilliantly - and I am tooting my own trumpet and saying even I surpassed myself. Welllll at the end of the day, if I don't toot myself, no bugger else will.

Aaron aka Heir Apparent - growing up etc.

Well my Heir Apparent went for his taster day at his chosen High School. I never slept all night, and the bloody bugger didn't kiss me goodbye ... even though I let him stay school dinners for the day/woke him up/pressed his uniform twice/found all his pens, pencils etc/and picked up all his mates ..... THEN when Stewart dropped em all off, my Heir Apparent didn't even turn around/wave/anything !!! *insert sobbing smiley*

I got to school, got in the staff room and broke my heart crying - dear god, no-one told me how hard it is to start letting go .... I DON'T WANNA LET GO .... I want my baby back .... I'm crap at all this 'give em enough rope' 'let go of the apron string' .... I'm a mum, I love being a mum, my boy is my life .... Somebody slap me - please !!!! Its horrible, awful and downright gut wrenching. I love this boy so much, and I don't want anything awful to happen to him ... so how do I let go ????? Where's the manual telling me how to do it eh ? eh ?

Ok, thats my whinge for the day xxxxxxx

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Sunday Prompt

1: Do you have any middle names? Anne

2: Whats under your bed right now? Massive box of photographs and my memory boxes for Aaron.

3: Last time you laughed so much you cried? When I heard that Sarah from had got 6 fertilised eggs for implanting. I said to Lianne, how the hell is she gonna cope with sextuplets ? I didn't realise that they only implant 2 eggs - i'm still chuckling away and that was on Friday. I am a terrible giggler tho, and its normally at the most inopportune moments !!!!!

If you believe in prayers girls - please throw up a couple for Sarah and Ross that their egg implantation is successful.

4: What age were you when you first drank alcohol? 15 - cider !

5: Whats your porn star name? (first pets name and mothers maiden name) Sandy Crichton

6: Whats your desk top photo on your pc Stephen Gerrard - Liverpool FC

7: What did you have for breakfast? Grilled bacon, poached egg , mushrooms and toast

8: Music or Tv? Music

9: Worst out fit you have ever worn? Puff ball skirt or pinafore dress over Birmingham Bags !!!!

10: Where do you feel most at peace? Culzean Castle in Scotland .. its breathtaking and serene.

Aaaargh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just finishing off the housework and the flipping Dyson has broke - i've had to hand brush down the stairs - yeuch !


Its being finished this afternoon. Oh well, just the boiler to get repaired in two weeks - yes, two weeks - how crap is that !

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Bugger ... forgot to Update ... here we go ......


Well we went to visit the 2nd of schools on Aarons list - and the one that I really, really, really would like him to go to. Yes, they're strict (love it), yes their exam results are incredible (love it) and yes they have accelerated learning (love it even more). It means that if Aaron is capable, then he will sit his GCSE's a year early and then the following year he will sit his AS's.

I am truly desperate to get him in there, the reputation of the school is fantastic, so I was prepared to be overwhelmed by the school ... well College as its called. I was however, surprised by how 'homely' the school felt - especially when I walked down one particular corridor - it was really freaky but this feeling washed over me ... and it felt comforting and homely ??!! I am hoping it was a very good vibe !! So fingers crossed all you Bloggers !!!


Its being finished tomorrow - YAY !!!! Lianne has kindly said that she will come up and take some photographs during the week - so keep your eyes peeled for bathroom photos !!!

Bits and Bobs ....

I haven't spoke to my friend from 'home' Angela for months and months. When I lived back 'home' we were inseperable even though she's married with two beautiful daughters. She's a soul mate .. you know the type, it doesn't matter what you say or do, they're your friend because they love and care for you. Well as I've said, for one reason and another ... we've not spoken for over two months.

I had a really 'orrible dream about Angela last night, and I was that upset by it, that I promised myself to phone her today. I was up early because I was still upset about the dream ... and I clock watched until 10 o'clock and then phoned. We were on the phone for hours and it was as if I'd only spoken to her yesterday - isn't that just the great thing about friendship .... no matter what happens - your friends are always there.

Say aya to great friendships - AYE !!!!!!!!

Drawers - not knickers !!!!

Stewart is 'trying' to build some drawers from a flat pack for my 12x12 papers - he's already stabbed the screwdriver through his hand ... and he's currently swearing his head off in the other room .... I think i'll stay safely ensconsed on my poot until he's managed to complete the task !!!!! Men and flat packs - they just don't go together !!!

Thanks for reading - i hope you all have a fabby weekend xxxxxxx

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Tuesday UKS Blog

Prompt supplied by the luvverly Mandy.

What 5 thinks currently make you happy ?


1. My new One Heart ... One Mind - Metropolitan papers - wow are these lush papers or what ???

Thank you to my lubberly lubberly mate Lianne for surprising me with them xx

2. Fags - I couldn't live without one at the moment, i'm stressed to the max.

3. Surprise bottle of wine my luvverly hubby bought for me today, which is currently chilling in the frige.

4. My most-luvverliest Heir Apparent ... he just says the most thoughtful things when I need a boost. He makes me laugh, makes me smile, and reminds me why life is good, even when its not !

5. The fantastically, incredibliest, scrummiest, delishushiestliest ribbons from Little Silver Hat - wow wow wow .... am I impressed or what ....

Well, i've just read this list back... and it makes me sound like a really shallow person ... but sitting here right now, this second .. they're what makeme happy.

Update on Boiler

Thats the heating boiler not a bunny boiler.

There isn't an update. Its knackered. Kapoosh. Gone.

I'm sitting here naked while I'm typing this ... ok then ... i'm half undressed coz i'm waiting for the water to heat for a baff .... honest to god, this is no joke ... family are moaning coz i've opened the front door and put it on the latch, and the back door is WIDE WIDE open ... its cold, raining and horrible ... and i'm half naked .... *will say no more* I want a boiler !!!!

Plumber-type-company phoned Stewart today - they'll be there in 2/3 weeks - 2/3 week !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I told them we had no hot water and no heating - 2/3 weeks - what a joke !!!!

Its probably my fault for telling one of those 'white lies' that I hate other people telling ..... *insert woe is me smiley* *again*

Scrapbooking things ......

I've done two DT layouts, one tag book and a card ... need to do more, so will try and get another LO done tonight.... I have promised myself


I'm four weeks behind in my work and can't find my file ... i'm in deep doo doo because I HAVE to go on Thursday *insert another woe is me smiley*


I have none.

Thanks for reading- love you all loads - Cal xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Monday, October 02, 2006

Moving Up .. CJ's ...... etc.etc.

Jeez - i'm worrying myself sick about what High School to send Aaron to. After much debate, Stewart and I have decided to leave the decision to Aaron. It seems that some of his friends are going to either one of two schools. One of them, I wouldn't have chosen, and went to Open Evening with very negative thoughts.

However, I was pleasantly surprised - in fact, I was really impressed. Of course I gave each department the 3rd degree and in most instances, they were happy to show me their past exam figures and also their Short and Long Term plans - believe me, there's not a lot of schools who would do that.

Anyway, we're visiting the second school on Thursday - which is the one I really would love him to go to but, we're out of the area *insert sad smiley* - so we'll have to see how it goes.


I've just finished my entry for Kyms CJ (stamp galaxy) via the UKSTampers forum. Can't say too much, but the title of her CJ is Objects of Desire - bearing in mind, i'm feeling really fed up and miserable at the moment, sadly I think my entry has reflected that - although I really love the work that i' ve done - am I going mad or wot ??


Our boiler isn't working - we can only get hot water if we put the heating on, and as i'm having hot flushes at the moment, its not helping having a hot house !!! I could grow banana trees in here !!!

After a visit from the Heating Engineer yesterday (an emergency visit), it became apparent that the flipping thing is knackered. We could spend about £100 plus labour (god knows what that will be) ... and it still might not be repaired - or we can go for a new boiler ....

How come when we think we're getting somewhere, something else goes wrong ???

I'm well cheesed off !

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Sunday UKS Prompt

Five things that really peeve you off ..... oh, this should be sooooo easy for me !

1. 'Lifted' ahem ....pinched from Rebecca, but nevertheless its one of the things that really cheese me off ... People who do not indicate ... I mean WTF ?? why ? whats the sense ? When someone smashes into your arse-end, what are you going to write on your claim form? And don't get me on people who 'cut me up' Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr !

2. People who don't put things away ... why oh why do people, take the milk out of the fridge, make a cup of tea and then walk away ?? Uh ?? It just doesn't make sense to me - Stewart is forever taking things out and not putting them back. He'll take out the Argos book, bring it into the kitchen to read it on the kitchen table and then just walk away - why ????? Grrrrrrrrrrr !

3. Liars - I can't bear people who lie and white lies drive me even more insane, because there's no need for them ... mind you, it might be that I'm jealous because I can't lie for love nor money - you can tell in my eyes if I'm lying, because they tell everything - my eyes are very definitely my soul ! Grrrrrr !

4. Common courtesy - what happened to it ? Don't people teach their kids about courtesy anymore ? I will NOT give anything, lend anything or do anything unless it comes with a please and thank you. I hate bad manners - sorry, but another Grrrrrrrrrrrr !

5. Bullies - just the word speaks for itself. In school, I come down hard on bullies and I take no prisoners. Even in adult life - I hate bullying companies, banks who bully you into taking out loans you can't afford, bullying advertising campaigns ... you're a crap mother if you don't buy your child this or that ... it is all a form of bullying - and people need to start complaining.

If you get ship loads of junk mail - take your details off and mail it back - simple - they'll soon stop when their postage costs increase !!!