I can't believe it ... well I can ... but I'm still blushing ....
I had a bad fall at school today. I was looking in my bag for something and missed a step and ended up falling straight onto my knees - the place was packed with kids who all started laughing at me , but when I started crying, they all ran off hysterically - one to get me a chair and the rest ran off all over the school. The next thing is, three deputy-heads came running out, the Bursor, the Receptionist and two First Aiders !!!! Awww I always give em a hard time (i'm really strict on them - but would like to think fair), so it was luvverly to see the nice side of them !!! Anyway, I've got big scabby swollen, throbby knees !!
An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day.
The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail. The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine.
He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed toward the swinging doors of the saloon.
"Hold on there, Mister," said the sheriff. "Did I just see what I think I saw?"
"Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips."
"And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked.
"Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em."
Laugh or puke ?